


They Are Unicorns

by KillerQueen80



Category: Glee
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, groomzillas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-18
Updated: 2014-01-18
Packaged: 2018-01-09 04:45:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1141605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillerQueen80/pseuds/KillerQueen80
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt and Blaine let Sam and Rachel talk them into a bachelor party instead of the upscale dinner they'd originally planned. Which leads to them finding an unconventional centerpiece at the party.</p>
            </blockquote>





	They Are Unicorns

It’s Sam’s fault, really. Sam and Rachel’s. Sam, Rachel and Mercedes. And really, Blaine’s just disappointed in Mercedes, because the whole point of having her help Rachel and Sam plan their Bachelor Party/Groom’s shower, was to reign in Sam and Rachel’s more extravagant impulses. 

  


He should have known better, because for some reason, Mercedes is not as good at resisting Sam and not getting sucked into Rachel’s crazy as she was in high school. New York and being engaged to Sam has softened her. 

  


No. Blaine blames himself. Because he and Kurt had steadfastly refused to even entertain the idea of a Bachelor Party, separate or otherwise. They had planned a very lovely, classy, upscale rehearsal dinner and that was going to be the extent of it. They’d planned everything down to the second.  They’d given their friends their assignments as far as wedding planning, and it had gone well. Moderately well. Sort of moderately well. 

  


Burt said that Kurt and Blaine needed to learn to delegate and let go and relinquish some control. And they’d listened to Burt. 

  


So really, when it comes down to it, it’s Burt’s fault. It is Burt’s fault that Blaine is standing in the middle of the backyard, at Isabelle Wright’s house in the Hamptons staring at a six foot tall Unicorn. 

  


But not just any unicorn, as Sam demonstrates. 

  


“Dude, check it out, the horn shoots fire!” Blaine tries not to burst into tears as he watches Sam demonstrate. 

  


“And Not just that, look, Blaine!” Rachel grabs a glass and serves herself lemonade from a spout where the unicorn’s genitals should be.

  


Blaine just gapes, feeling a migraine coming on, he looks over at Mercedes in shock, who at least has the sense to look as shocked as Blaine does. Rachel tries to hand Blaine the cup, but he just shakes his head. 

  


“I have to… I need to lie down. Please get rid of this before Kurt sees it. Please, I beg you. He went to get a haircut, and he’ll be back in a couple hours, please make it go away.” 

  


Blaine goes up to the guest room, and lies down with a cold compress over his eyes. Just two more days. Two days and the wedding will be over, and he and Kurt will be on their way to Hawaii and he’ll never have to think about that damn unicorn again.

  


********************

“Blaine Devon Anderson, you better be up here!” Is how Blaine wakes up an hour later. He grabs the wash cloth off of his eyes and sits up.

“You saw the unicorn?” 

  


“Yes, why didn’t you get rid of it? I can not have that monstrosity at our party. The party we didn’t even want to have! And Rachel, and Mercedes! I’d buy that kind of ridiculousness from Sam, but those two, what happened to them? How could they? They better get rid of it! I swear to God Blaine, why did we listen to my father? We could be getting ready for an upscale dinner, fine dining, but no, our friends want to serve Limoncello from a unicorn’s dick! It’s like they never left Lima!” 

  


“I know, I told them. I think it’s a prank. It has to be a prank. We’ll go down for the party and it will be gone, and it will be replaced by an ice sculpture. Still tacky, but not white trash wedding tacky.” 

  


“Rachel tried to tell me it was ‘shabby chic’, Kurt says, making quotation marks with his hands, “shabby chic is so 2006, I should know, I worked for Vogue. Oh god, Vogue people are going to be there. I’ll never be able to show my face again.” Kurt throws himself onto the bed face first. 

  


“They’ll get rid of it. They love us, they wouldn’t want to ruin our party. They’ll get rid of it,” Blaine tries to assure Kurt, rubbing his back.

  


******************************

They don’t get rid of it. In fact, it’s the centerpiece of the party. All of the guests compliment it as creative, and their college friends and colleagues all want to know why unicorns are such a huge association with them. 

  


“Oh my God, so not only do I get to watch my friends drink what is essentially unicorn piss at the celebration of my wedding, but I also get to relive the tale of my high school failure to be elected class president and Brittany’s gay pink sack of stereotypes. I’m not drunk enough for this.” 

  


Blaine wraps and arm around Kurt’s waist and pulls him close, just as Santana saunters over with a drink in her hand. 

  


“Okay will you two bring it down a notch, it’s funny. Your best friends tried to do something to bring some levity to these proceedings because you two have been obnoxious dictators since we started planning this little shindig.” 

  


“We have not been dictators, it’s our wedding Santana, you only get one!” 

  


“First of all, no you don’t, you can have as many of these as you want, and don’t act like you aren’t already planning your first vow renewal. And second, yes you have? Who do you think called your Dad and made him drag ass from Ohio on three different occasions? It’s not like he was visiting because he missed you. It was either call Papa Hummel, or call Blaine’s insane brother, and the airfare from Ohio is cheaper.” 

Kurt starts to open his mouth, but Santana cuts him off. 

  


“Bachelor parties are supposed to be fun, and you’re lucky that Mercedes is possessive as hell, or else Trouty would be getting his White Chocolate on right now. So go have some unicorn piss and chill the fuck out, you’re bumming me out. And go thank your friends because being your maid of honor and best man is an exhausting job, I would have quit and cussed you two out months ago,” Santana leaves them with a pat on Blaine’s head and a smack to Kurt’s ass. 

  


Blaine sighs, “Maybe she’s right, we could just enjoy it. I mean, it will make for an excellent story when we’re older. And you could totally use it on your blog, how to handle unexpected and make it fabulous.” 

  


“You do have a point, I make everything fabulous. Okay, let’s go have some unicorn pee and join our friends.” 

  


Kurt grabs Blaine’s hand and they go over, grab glasses and have drinks from the unicorn. Maybe a few too many drinks.  But they do join their friends. 

  
  
  
And if Kurt ends the night, trying to ride the unicorn and yelling “I’m the most goddamn Unicorn person here!” then it’s just another story for Blaine to tell their future children. 

  
A/N: Here is the unicorn in question:  



End file.
